Right, is everybody here? Oh, there's one straggler at the door. Phil, stop looking around like a worried rabbit, would you, and take a seat -- after closing the door behind you, please, sir (I said 9 A.M. sharp, Phil, and here we are going on 30, maybe 35 whole seconds AFTER that deadline. Remind me to thrash you with a wet noodle when this is over. Secretary Lovelace, I hope you ordered a new batch of those wet noodles I mentioned last week.)
Well, um, sir, actually... Well, how many have we sold? We haven't, um... Out with it! We haven't sold quite as many as we had hoped. Um... Okay. But how many HAVE we sold. (Jeepers! What a sphinx the woman is!) Well, frankly, sir, we haven't sold any yet. What's that? I said we haven't actually sold any Gila Monster magnets yet, sir. You are absolutely kidding me! I wish I were, sir. Oh, well, not to worry: Our potential customers are no doubt still getting their head around the whole concept of a Gila Monster surprise magnet. Yes, sir. Besides, I just thought of a brand-new product that's going to knock everybody's socks off, even in a recession. You see, it's a political parody of... 
Well... Yes, yes? (This has GOT to be good, folks!) The good news is... Yes? the Munch t-shirt sales figures were by no means worse than the figures cited for the gila monster magnet sales. I should hope not. So, if we add up the net sales of this product from all sources and venues in the month of September... allowing for VAT and sales tax... Yes, yes? Let's see, 2 divided by 1... carry the 3... Out with it, man: How many of these t-shirts did we sell in September 2009? Well, taking into account all the relevant factors... Yes, yes? What?! Absolutely zero. Enough already. Zip, zippo, zero, zilch... Cut! nil, nix, null, nowt, naught... Nick! Snap out of it, Nick! We all appreciate the fact that you're a talented part-time DJ at the CatHouse under the no-doubt hip soubriquet of The Raj, but there's a time and place for everything. Yes, sir. With the possible exception of these lousy sales figures, that is, which I just can't believe. 
Well, let me check my numbers, sir. You watch, folks: This is where we'll really make up for the gila monster and Edvard Munch. Whose idea was it for an Edvard Munch tee-shirt anyway? It was obviously a stupid suggestion. I believe that you yourself suggested that gift idea, sir. George, how dare you speak the truth when you know perfectly well that I'm trying to insulate myself from reality right now by living in my own private fantasy world? Sir? Oh, just read the sales figures, will you? Honestly! Yes, sir: It says here that when it comes to our three-toed sloth 'night night' poster, we have sold a grand total of... Yes, yes? Well, zero, sir. None. You people are killing me up in here tonight! Sorry, sir. In fact, if I hear one more bad sales report like that, I'm going to call the police and tell them that you folks have designs on my life! I am just so GLAD that I came to this meeting this morning armed with a great idea for a new top-selling product -- otherwise, I'd be tempted to remark, a la the wonderfully understated lament of Kafka's protagonist in The Castle: 'Calls for a slight attack of despair.' Sir, why don't you read the rest of the sales figures. Surely there is some good news in there SOMEWHERE. What? Well, it's worth a try, I suppose. Let's see: Go on, sir: There's got to be a winner in there somewhere. Oh, here's a good one: It's another bumper sticker, reading "I brake for honeybees!" Oh, yes, I like that one myself. How many did we sell of those in September, sir? Let's see here, it looks like... Yes? None, zero, nada. Zilch, zero, zippo -- That's enough, Master Flash Doggy Snoop! Sorry, sir. 
Yes, yeah, tell us about it Yes?! Now, it's a parody of that culturally iconic photograph of Che Guevara taken by that Korda guy. Yes?! See? Here it is, up on screen here. Oh, that's good. And then the text along the side of the image reads: "Sorry, folks, Violence was wrong, wasn't it?" followed by the words "my bad!" in parentheses. I think I speak for all of us, sir, when I say that you have come up with a political parody that is going sell like hotcakes for us and put us back in the black!
Uh, actually, sir, Lori doesn't speak for me. And you would be? I'm one of your lawyers, sir: Hunt Bellamy. I work on the 5th floor in the Copyright Clearance Department. Okay, well, spit it out, sir: What objection could you possibly have to us selling a Photoshop-doctored image of that Che Guevara photograph in order to make the point that violence is wrong (even when it's championed by Mr. Cool himself)? -- especially if doing so might help us pocket a little money for a change? Well, I hate to say this, but... Yes? The estate of the photographer who took that photograph claims that it is copyrighted and cannot be used for any purpose without their permission. You're having a laugh. No, sir. Are you telling me that the iconic photograph of the Marxist Revolutionary par excellence is Even so. But it's a cultural icon, Hunt! I know. Besides, I've checked: It was taken by the photographer in the course of his duties as an employee of the state-run media in Cuba and is therefore not protected according to U.S. law. I know that. The huge public domain archive at Wikimedia Commons finds no merit in the Korda position. You know us, lawyers, sir: We're conservative beggars. Conservative, huh? Try cowardly. But, sir -- Better yet, try flat-out wrong: If anything is a cultural icon, it's the image of Che Guevara taken by Korda for Cuban media -- I know, sir, but -- Therefore, neither the man nor his estate has the right (God love them all, to be sure) to tell me that I can't poke fun at it! Yes, sir. Meanwhile, on every street corner, we see the self-righteous stern mug of that gun-happy malcontent staring me down, and I don't get to say anything about it by way of parody? Yes, but, sir... Exactly, sir. Cafepress claims that the Korda image is, indeed, copyrighted, so... the image may therefore not be used on any product that is sold by a CafePress shopkeeper such as yourself. Well, don't just stand there, people. The meeting's over now: Get out there and move those gila monsters! Yes, sir, Mr. Sir, sir! What a world we live in: I can legally print up 500 t-shirts at this very moment depicting George Bush as Hitler, but I must not dare to riff on the iconic picture of Che Guevara: Oh, no! That image is sacrosanct: Oh, naturally! It's funny, some people get the last laugh... Yes, sir? But it seems like Che Guevara is going to get the last sneer, because it's literally against the law now to twist the man's lips into a smile by way of social commentary!