Saturday, July 31, 2010
Buried Alive
Interesting how some creative fictional sketches get no coverage from Google what... so... freakin'... ever. But Tweet about the new brand of toothpaste you're using, and voila!
The Google Protest Paradox: The greater a webmaster's ability to complain effectively about Google as monopoly, the less incentive that they have to do so.
Related Story: Buried Alive
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Stop Progress Now!
Third World Countries and their perhaps somewhat confused First World sympathizers rallied in downtown New York City today to demand an end to progress (along with the traditional, as it were, pro forma demand for trillions of dollars to be siphoned off at once from West to East...)
Related Story: The Copenhagen Syndrome
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Remedial Colors 101
Okay, class. Now, pay attention. I've made you all stay after school because you still have not learned your colors properly. You seem to be having big trouble with the concept of black and white. But be warned: I am going to fail the next student who incorrectly identifies me as WHITE!
Related Story: The Holder Challenge
Saturday, July 31, 2010
I Ain't Gonna Study Wall No More!
Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall! (And while you're at it, replace it with a deep, wide, job-creating canal that will run the entire border from San Diego, California, to Brownsville, Texas.)
Related Story: Expanding the Rio Grande
Saturday, July 31, 2010
From the Ministry of Silly Walks
THE GOOD NEWS: The majority of Northern Virginians live within convenient, healthy walking distance of all the movie theaters, restaurants, food stores, and pharmacies that they could possibly want to visit on any given weekend -- THE BAD NEWS: It's usually suicidal to attempt walking to any of the former locations because the necessary pedestrian bridges and sidewalks for that purpose are almost non-existent.
Related Story: Why We Should Open HOV Lanes to Bicycles
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Everyone's a Winner (almost)
Look out mountain, I'm-a gonna blast ya! On account of Robert Byrd is in bed with the coal industry and (in the hillbilly verbal erotica of Erskine Caldwell in God's Little Acre) they is just 'a-touchin' and a-feelin' of the other'! (er, metaphorically speaking, of course!)
Related Story: The Green, Green Ghosts of Home
Saturday, July 31, 2010
The Web 2-point-oh-boy!
Webmasters of the 2.0 persuasion are so obsessed with fostering a faux sense of participation on their sites that I've started seeing online polls established for the sole purpose of evaluating the usefulness of a previously administered poll. I suppose it's just a matter of time before we start seeing polls that measure the perceived usefulness of a poll that itself measured the perceived usefulness of yet another poll. (By way of protest, I will now end this harangue without the usual poll to see what YOU think about the current overabundance of polls.)
Related Story: About Me (and Web 2.0)
Saturday, July 31, 2010
The right to ignite
The U.S. never lets other countries have any fun! If a country founded on the slogan "Death to America" wants to have nuclear weapons, I say let 'em! (Hey, listen, I'd rather live dangerously than look like an American idiot to the rest of the cool world out there!)
Saturday, July 31, 2010
A skunk by any other name...
Did we mean it back in the '60s -- or did we drift apart after we lost our principled helmsman to an assassin's bullet?
Related Story: My Own Kind
Saturday, July 31, 2010
The Reverse Racist Zone
You unlock this door with the key of hyperbolic poetry. Beyond it is another dimension. A dimension of hatred. A dimension of race-baiting. A dimension of mean-spirited separatism. You're moving into a land of Rwandan Rivalry and Bosnian Blood Feuds: You've just crossed over into the Reverse Racist Zone.
Related Story: Racism at the Lyric Cafe
Saturday, July 31, 2010
A Problem like Sharia
How do you solve a problem like Sharia? Don't ask Fareed Zakaria. He'll say, 'Cut and run!' (Where was Fareed when we needed him back in May of 1970 during the Kent State protests? He could have saved some lives back then!) MORE 'Pop Ed' commentaries coming soon from Brian Quass at Quass.com.
Related Story: Radicals Protest Papal Quote About Islamic Violence