Wendlesnap, Julie 8, 2003











While I'm getting organized up here, I'd like to remind you lot that there's coffee and doughnuts in the social hall after today's "sermon." (Forewarned is forearmed, as they say. Ha ha.) Also, we do have one prayer request: Widow Brimley stubbed her toe this morning and is in at least a small amount of pain, so keep her in your thoughts. Also, our own acolyte Peter Hughes has suffered an ingrown toenail and will be going in for out-patient surgery this afternoon. Peter, our prayers are with you. (That's right, never you fear: we'll be snickering behind your back throughout the entire operation. Ha ha! Oh, dear me! I'm terrible, aren't I, Peter?! Whoo-hoo!)

Ah, here's my speech:

"When in the course of human events --"

No, that's not it, either.

Oh, I know: I was going to read a list of quotes about "love" with a view toward the moral edification of my audience. (Now, where did I put those index cards?)

Ah!

"Love," says the great philosopher Johnny Rotten, "is 2 minutes and 52 seconds of squelching noises."

What?! That's not a very good start, is it? Squelching noises, indeed. Pretend you didn't hear that one.

Ah, here we go, straight from the Christian Bible: "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. " That's what I'm talkin' 'bout: Love!

Incidentally, there will be a test on this stuff, folks. (Or at any rate, I may begrudge after-sermon doughnuts to the inattentive! The idea! I work hard on this stuff, you know -- even if I am a little disorganized.)

And now for the secular slant, William Shakespeare admonishes us that "The course of true love never did run smooth."

Tell me about it. Do you know, I once fell for a total stranger at a high-school prom in Surrey, Virginia, only to have the girl in question skip out on me in the middle of a dance? So there I am, in the middle of the crowded dance floor, dancing with precisely no one! I've never been so embarrassed in my life.

Um, but that's not important right now.

Love quote number four:

"Love," says Ambrose Bierce, is "a temporary insanity curable by marriage."
Ha ha. Very funny, Ambrose Bierce!

Don't worry, kids, he's just being silly. By the way, if you young people haven't yet read his short story entitled "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge," you're in for a treat. It's about this Confederate farmer named Peyton Fahrquhar, who tries to sabotage a Union-held railroad bridge in Alabama. Anyway, it's got this surprise ending that is going to blow your juvenile mind!

But where was I?

Oh, yes, Love.

Oh, here's a good one. Mother Teresa herself advises us that:
"If you judge people, you have no time to love them."

Bingo! Especially these days when everyone's so uptight. You so much as look at someone sideways these days and they vow undying hatred for you. Whereas, if we listen to our heart --

Relax: Coffee and doughnuts are coming up -- right after I hit you guys with one more profound quote about love.

"I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality." - Martin Luther King, Jr .

There: are you listening, all you political hotheads out there? You've heard the phrase, "Give peace a chance" -- Well, I say, "Give love a chance." After all, peace is a mere negative virtue insofar as it's the absence of violence; whereas love, or so they tell us, is an action verb -- or it should be.

Am I right?

Fine, now let me just read this closing comment I worked on last night:

"If anyone knows of a reason why this couple should not be joined together in holy matrimony --"

Wait a minute, that's not the right speech.

Oh, never mind, let's just head for the social hall.

But go in peace, do ya hear?

And love!




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