-Tessy, are you up there reading a printout from Quass.com again?!
-What's that? Oh, no, mother dear. It's...the Bible. Yeah, that's it: I'm reading the Bible.|
Putting on the DogListen to text
Wendow, Julie 16, 2003 
Top Dog Riley Beagle trots out his new line of canine clothing from Paris!
Beagle Beauty Pageant goes to the dogs with the best fashion sense!
And today's winner at the Beagle Fashion Show is, our new Top Dog for 2008...
Oh, this is so exciting! I can see the dogs wagging their tails nervously back there behind the curtain in eager anticipation of this upcoming announcement... RILEY BEAGLE! Come on out here, Riley! Good boy! Oh, There he is, Riley Beagle.... That's it, Riley: trot the carpet! There he is, your ideal... Good boy! The dreams of a million curs Thought this honor would be theirs But they're not in Atlantic City It's not for them I sing this ditty!!!!!!!!! Take a bow, Riley. Good boy! And there he is, A doggy Fred Astaire he is, Trotting on the air he is Furriest of the fair (who WRITES this stuff, anyway???) Brown and tan and white and black He stands out from all the pack He's your pettable ideal, There he ISssssssssssssssss! Good boy! Now, come here so I can give you your honorary dog bone. Oh, yeah, and I also have to tie this silly ribbon around your neck, I'm afraid. (I know it's silly, Riley, but tradition is tradition!) And now, Riley, why don't you go backstage and get ready for the final act of tonight's emotional drama? Yes, folks, it's time now for our winner to show off some of the latest fashions from Paris! Every year, your favorite canine ends the show by modeling next year's styles for an ever-growing viewership of up-and-coming dogs out there in every country in the world, their wet muzzles anxiously glued to the television screen (except, of course, in those benighted countries wherein dogs are still not allowed to have a social life, much less to dress to the nines like this, or, as we say in the West, to "put on the dog": Humph!) Are you ready back there, Riley. Suave music, please, maestro.  Oh, hello there. This is Brian's dog Moze from the 1980s in Richmond, Virginia, saying stay tuned for the following brand-new article by my beloved friend and master. (Incidentally, this afterlife is swell. The dog bones actually grow on trees up here: I kid you not!) New at Quass.com Gasps from the crowd Applause, scattered at first, but soon resolute and universal That's it, Riley, trot out there on that runway....  1) Despite today's informal dress codes, the sensible dog still shows up for work in respectable attire, like this wrinkle-resistant Poplin seersucker suit with pink Oxford shirt. Your boss is sure to take notice when you trot about the water cooler in this jet-setting ensemble. The bias-cut sleeves of the fully lined dress coat lend a sophisticated air to the garment, while the airy fit of the silk shirt ensures the requisite casualness. Comes with satin solid silk tie for special corporate occasions. (Optional "Three Stooges tie" for "Dress-down Fridays.")  2) Next, for the beagle who's young at heart, the Joe College look is back with this fetching hat-and-shirt combo from Canine Couturiers. You'll be the talk of the quad as you strut between obedience classes in this four-seasons outfit. Collapsible felt topper evokes the impertinent schoolboy look, while the striped silk ascot and purple shirt attest to the eminent sensibility of the garment. All components are machine-washable for peace of mind during inclement weather.  3) When the sun sets on another long day of alternately chasing squirrels and sleeping on the couch, slip into this warm chamois nightgown with flannel nightcap. It's the perfect outfit to help you extort a midnight snack from your owner. (They'll be like: "Aww! Look at you!") Relaxed fit of the taffeta-fringed sleeves affords excellent mobility for emergencies that may arise during guard-dog duty. Elastic cap conforms to skull and can stretch to accommodate the floppiest of beagle ears! Good job, Riley! Let's hear it one more time for our new Top Dog, Riley Beagle! (Oh, that's a good boy, Riley: Ooh, you're such a good dog!) Oh, there he is It doesn't matter where he is He's got the kind of pleasant yip you can't ignore Speak, Riley, speak! Rottweilers are Black Irish Setters are Red But give me a black, tan, and white dog instead Here's a canine most regal The world's favorite beagle, THERE HE ISssssssss! Say g'night, Riley. RUFF! 'Good boy! Ooh, that's a good boy! Yes, it is!  Last year's winner, Phideas Smooch III, wowed the judges with his no-nonsense business ensemble, including a white rayon dress shirt with Peter Pan collar... 
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-Tessy, are you up there reading a printout from Quass.com again?!
-What's that? Oh, no, mother dear. It's...the Bible. Yeah, that's it: I'm reading the Bible. Those who (careworn and tired) were on the verge of giving up before reading Putting on the Dog found new purpose to their life upon reading both that former work and one additional piece by Brian entitled Wicked Pork ChopsTop of page re Beagles,fashion show,canine Putting on the Dog: top of page Link this article to your site: Top of Page for http People who enjoyed this page were also favorably disposed toward the following articles:  Philosophical Fill-up!  Gutter Bawl  Webmaster On Strike!  Harnessing Hurricanes  French for Kids with Professor Q: Class 17 Attention Search Engines: Having trouble categorizing this page? Why not list it in connection with the following phrases and keywords? .... Beagles fashion show dogs putting on the dog canine beauty pageant Atlantic City best in show Thanks! |
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 Interviews with Greatness Travels with Riley
Jim McQuery interviews Chumley Egghead, aka Brian Quass, OW ("or whatever")
 Good evening, Chumley. Thanks for joining us.  It's my privilege. I understand that you actually owned a beagle back in the '80s. Well, I wouldn't use the word "owned" exactly -- The dog in question (indeed, the BREED in question) is pretty independent. But you had a beagle named Moze, right? That we did. Mind you, he wasn't a pure-bred. I suspect some Labrador Retriever got mixed up in there at some point. But as I understand it, he was a very friendly dog and enjoyed going with you in your old '70 Datsun (the red one with the white racing stripe) to the James River Park just upstream from Richmond, Virginia -- Ah, yes, you see -- I understand you guys hopped from rock to rock there amid the swirling rapids near the old-fashioned Boulevard Bridge -- Well, yes, we -- Of course, you lived in the so-called Fan District at the time, as I recall. Indeed -- Hey, wait a minute: Didn't you and Moze used to leave your Grove Avenue digs "of an evening," as we say, and trot down Robinson Street to the Fan Market, into which, as I understand it, folks could even take their dogs at the time? Well, I don't know about that. Mozey certainly never evinced a desire to "accompany me down the aisles" there -- Ooh, but there was a field -- Oh, RIGHT! There was an open field across from the Fan Market where, as I recall, you'd let the old boy off his leash and watch him tear around in a circle of the maximum diameter given local conditions. Indeed. Well, fill in the blanks, sir: You can't make me do ALL the talking. The point being, beagles -- What else could the point be but that beagles make good pets! Now then, what about Riley, your brothers (ahem!) PUREbred beagle? Well, now, Riley's a story in himself -- You see -- Wait a minute: We're not talking about the parti-colored beagle up in Lakewood, New Jersey, who (to this very day, in fact) goes crazy every time he sees you??? Well, I -- The same beagle that then insists on sitting on your lap for a good five minutes, until he calms down enough to go back about his normal business (like sleeping/eating/sleeping/eating)? Well, I -- The same beagle that has come to expect you to take him for his morning walks whenever you're in town, even though he's got a sore back these days and has to occasionally wear a special leash that he can't stand?! Whoa! Whoa! What? How do you know all this about myself, Moze, and Riley? Hey, this is Jim McQuery here: It's my business to know these things. Hmm. I suppose. Heck, I've even got a photograph of Riley that I'm going to show right now -- after sadly alerting the viewers that we have, in fact, run out of time today and so this interview is now over. I'd like to thank my guest, beagle fan Chumley Egghead, for visiting us. He's been great, of course -- only next time I wish he'd speak up a little bit. I feel like I've had to do almost ALL the talking today. (Humph!) QQ5SSSQ13rileyQ14SSS QQ6 Fun Lies  Beagles first came to the New World with the Mayflower in 1642. This is a re-creation of that historic event by Dutch Artist Phideas P. Van der Schnozz III, circa 1712. It's called Sea Dog and was bought in 1971 by an anonymous collector for a then-record price of $4,000,000.  Lapus Lap-a-lie
by Wiliam Butler Egghead
Inspired by Lapus Lazuli by William Butler Yeats
They are sick of sharing their house with beagles, of hound dogs that are in the way, For everybody knows or else should know That if nothing drastic is done Riley beagle is going to eventually wet the rug Or at least cover the sofa with fur. All have their favorite pet: There struts a kitten, there a dog, That's a hamster, that's a goldfish. Yet they, should they eat Their family out of house and home Or simply wreck the place After getting loose, We owners still usually love them. So I'll thank the local cats (Jinx in particular!) to put a sock in it. (Or should I bring up the little matter of how They've been terrorizing the local songbird Population recently when they sneak outdoors "Of an evening" without so much as one "meow" By way of asking permission to do so!) Buy fun article-related gifts from Quass.com  2.25 inch Button (100 pack): Time for the whole gang to 'put on the dog' with this 100 pack of Top Dog buttons from Quass.com. There he is! (a doggy Fred Astaire he is!)  2.25 inch Magnet (10 pack): Are you a top dog with a magnetic personality? Tell the world so by prominently posting this Top Dog magnet from Quass.com.  2.25 inch Button: This Top Dog is as cute as a button -- but don't tell Riley that. He's obviously handsome, not cute! (Humph!)  2.25 inch Magnet (100 pack): Show off your magnetic personality by placing this Top Dog magnet on a desk or filing cabinet near you.  Magnet: If you're top dog in your office, tell the world by placing this attractive magnet on your desk or filing cabinet. ...and/or Shop Here for Coooooool Gifts selected by himself! |
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