The category is Game Show Hosts with Big Heads
Let's Play Jeoparody!
but this time let's play it in such a way as to lodge a subtle protest against the misdeeds of corporate America
Categorically controversial variation on a game show theme
Welcome to Jeoparody!
I'm your host, Don Pardo. Time to cut the crap with some questions and answers about stuff that really matters in this life of ours. We'll meet our contestants shortly, but first let's get underway with last week's winner, Reginald Pierce. Reggie, select if you would please, sir.
Google And The Mission To Map Meaning And Make Money (Paperback)
Anyone with even the slightest reservations about Google's dominance in the Internet visibility game has got to love this book -- if only because it's practically the only one in existence that dares to point out the dark side to the politically correct Mountain View behemoth. Although the author credits Google founders Page and Grin with keeping their 2004 IPO out of the price-manipulating hands of the usual Enron-school Wall Street interests (in a passage that now reads presciently about the 2009 financial meltdown), he points out the inconvenient truth for the Gaga Google Generation: namely, that everything is not goodness and light when Google gets behind closed corporate doors, notwithstanding its much vaunted vow to 'do no evil'.
Reggie: I'll take "Corporate Outrages" for 50, Don.
Don Pardo: The answer is:
Reggie: "What is Google?" Don?
Don Pardo: That's right: Google, or we would have accepted 'The Google Search engine.' In fact, I'm in a bad mood today, so I would have even accepted 'That smug, unresponsive son-of-a-#$@$# monopoly.' Ha ha! Select again.
Reggie: "Corporate Outrages" for 100, please.
Bringing Down the Mountains: The Impact of Mountaintop Removal on Southern West Virginia Communities (Paperback)
As one of the many impressed reviewers puts it, "Read it and weep." This 2007 book by Southern West Virginia native Shirley Stewart Burns may well be the most simultaneously authoritative and moving work on the subject ever published.
Reggie: What is... Arch Coal company?
Don Pardo: Very good. The other unconscionable corporate villain in this case being Massey Coal. Massey Coal.
You have 150 dollars. Keep going, sir.
Reggie: I'll try "Understandable but Still Wrong" for 100, please, Don.
Yes, Judy?
Judy: What is...
Don Pardo: Carl or Reggie?
Carl: What is B.E.T.?
Don Pardo: B.E.T. is correct.
But we'll have to pause there. Reginald is in the lead with 150, Carl with 100 and Judy with minus 100, but it's still early days, so stay with us.
Now let's meet our contestants. Reggie, welcome back.
Reggie: Thank you, Don.
Don Pardo: Now, you have an online business, am I correct?
Reggie: Well, you wouldn't know it based on the meager visibility that my site receives thanks to Google, but yes, technically speaking, I do have an online business.
Don Pardo: Aha! So it's no wonder that you got that Google question correct in the category of Corporate Outrages.
Good afternoon, Judy Mackinaw, of Saginaw, Wisconsin. What do you do for a living?
Judy: I'm a preacher, actually, Don.
Don Pardo: Oh, really? How interesting. So that means...
Judy: Yes, that's right, Don: I spend most of my time trying to forgive the misguided folk at B.E.T., Google, and those two coal companies that were mentioned in the earlier question, Arch and Massey.
Don Pardo: And do you succeed -- in forgiving them, I mean?
Judy: Frankly, not always, but then I'm only human. But I hear God's a real whiz at forgiveness, so the individuals in question needn't despair entirely.
Don Pardo: Indeed. I, too, have heard some great things about this God person that you mention. And finally, we come to Carl Bumstadt from Kingdom of Prussia, Pennsylvania. Carl, what do you do for a living?
Carl: Actually, Don, I am a CEO at Arch Coal.
Don Pardo: Oho! We'll have to keep you and Judy apart then.
Carl: Oh, I'm not worried about Judy.
Don Pardo: Oh, really?
Carl: No, we've got the entire state legislature in our pocket. Let her holler at me at the top of her lungs for all I care.
Judy: Why, you no-good --
Don Pardo: Moving right along -- Judy, you had the last correct question: Please select.
Judy: I'll try "Customer Dis-Service" for 50, Don.
Your Call Is (Not That) Important to Us: Customer Service and What It Reveals About Our World and Our Lives (Hardcover)
At least author Emily Yellin feels our pain when it comes to the second-class telephone treatment that we tend to receive from certain telecommunications giants. She even thinks there's some light at the end of the tunnel. (For starters, of course, there needs to be a law passed in Congress making it illegal for companies to keep playing Pachelbel's Canon over and over again to their customers on hold!)
Judy: What is Verizon?
Don Pardo: Yes, and isn't that maddening, by the way? But please, continue.
Judy: "Corporate Biased News Reporting for 100," Don.
Judy: What are dairy cows?
Don Pardo: Dairy cows is right -- a whole lot of methane. Judy, you're tied with Reggie now at 150. Please continue.
Don Pardo: Oh, I'm sorry, time is up. We have Reggie and Judy at 150, Carl not far behind at 100. We'll be back in a moment to give out more hard cold money for a few hard cold facts.
Don Pardo: Reggie, you're tied with Judy, so you'll go first in Double Jeopardy! because you were the winner in our last game.
Reggie: I'll take "Disappointing Realities" for 50.
Don Pardo: The answer is:
Carl: What are wind turbines.
Don Pardo: Right. Isn't that ridiculous? Reggie, you're at 200 dollars. Please continue, sir.
Carl: "Quelle Outrage" for 100.
Reggie: What is Marine Grade Plywood?
Don Pardo: Yes, we would have also accepted pressure-treated wood. Yes, isn't it interesting that FEMA hasn't learned its lessons after repeatedly spending all these billions of dollars replacing waterlogged wood. FEMA is like a financial punching bag that keeps saying: "Thank you, sir, may I have another?"
Reggie: "Worse than Useless" for 200, Don.
Carl: What is call an 800 number?
Don Pardo: No, sorry (What planet do YOU live on, Carl?)
Judy or Reggie?
The correct answer is: What is nothing: Absolutely nothing. They take it upon themselves to review your site for Google, but provide no way for you as a webmaster to tell them if they got it wrong -- other than to submit your site all over again and wait six months in the hope that they might possibly deign to look at your objections if they find a moment of free time in their ostensibly do-gooder lives. Almost makes you wish these busybodies would stay out of the reviewing business altogether if they don't want to take responsibility for their work.
Oh, time's up. Reggie has 300, Judy with 200 and Carl in third place with 100 dollars.
Final Jeopardy! is next, so consider your wager based on your knowledge of today's Final Jeopardy! category, which is:
Crummy Online Affiliate Programs -- consider what you know about crummy online affiliate programs. Meanwhile, we'll be right back.
Here we go now with Final Jeopardy! The Final Jeopardy! category is Crummy Online Affiliate Programs.
The answer is:
Good luck!
We move first to Reggie with 300. Your question reads: What is Apple? Yes, we would have accepted Apple or iTunes. How much did you wager? 500 dollars. You're now at 1,500.
Next we move to Judy with 200 dollars. Did she guess Apple, too? What is Apples iTunes? Is right. How much did you wager? 400! That brings you to 1,200.
Finally, we move to Carl in third place with 100. His question: "What is..." Oh, I'm sorry. How much did you wager? 50. That leaves you with 50 dollars.
And our winner today is Reggie! Congratulations. He'll be back tomorrow as we cut the crap again on Jeoparody!
Good night, everybody!
I'm your host, Don Pardo. Time to cut the crap with some questions and answers about stuff that really matters in this life of ours. We'll meet our contestants shortly, but first let's get underway with last week's winner, Reginald Pierce. Reggie, select if you would please, sir.
Google And The Mission To Map Meaning And Make Money (Paperback)
Anyone with even the slightest reservations about Google's dominance in the Internet visibility game has got to love this book -- if only because it's practically the only one in existence that dares to point out the dark side to the politically correct Mountain View behemoth. Although the author credits Google founders Page and Grin with keeping their 2004 IPO out of the price-manipulating hands of the usual Enron-school Wall Street interests (in a passage that now reads presciently about the 2009 financial meltdown), he points out the inconvenient truth for the Gaga Google Generation: namely, that everything is not goodness and light when Google gets behind closed corporate doors, notwithstanding its much vaunted vow to 'do no evil'.
Reggie: I'll take "Corporate Outrages" for 50, Don.
Don Pardo: The answer is:
Despite being subject to no impartial oversight whatsoever, this Mountain View behemoth largely controls who gets seen online and by whom.
Reggie: "What is Google?" Don?
Don Pardo: That's right: Google, or we would have accepted 'The Google Search engine.' In fact, I'm in a bad mood today, so I would have even accepted 'That smug, unresponsive son-of-a-#$@$# monopoly.' Ha ha! Select again.
Reggie: "Corporate Outrages" for 100, please.
One of two coal-mining companies responsible for flattening hundreds of mountaintops in southern West Virginia as part of 'mountaintop removal,' a controversial technique for harvesting coal....
Bringing Down the Mountains: The Impact of Mountaintop Removal on Southern West Virginia Communities (Paperback)
As one of the many impressed reviewers puts it, "Read it and weep." This 2007 book by Southern West Virginia native Shirley Stewart Burns may well be the most simultaneously authoritative and moving work on the subject ever published.
Reggie: What is... Arch Coal company?
Don Pardo: Very good. The other unconscionable corporate villain in this case being Massey Coal. Massey Coal.
You have 150 dollars. Keep going, sir.
Reggie: I'll try "Understandable but Still Wrong" for 100, please, Don.
Since its founding in 1980, this television network has brought reverse racism into vogue with identity politics and circle-the-wagons group think.
Yes, Judy?
Judy: What is...
Bonk
Don Pardo: Carl or Reggie?
Carl: What is B.E.T.?
Don Pardo: B.E.T. is correct.
But we'll have to pause there. Reginald is in the lead with 150, Carl with 100 and Judy with minus 100, but it's still early days, so stay with us.
Insert commercials -- LOTS of commercials
Now let's meet our contestants. Reggie, welcome back.
Reggie: Thank you, Don.
Don Pardo: Now, you have an online business, am I correct?
Reggie: Well, you wouldn't know it based on the meager visibility that my site receives thanks to Google, but yes, technically speaking, I do have an online business.
Don Pardo: Aha! So it's no wonder that you got that Google question correct in the category of Corporate Outrages.
Good afternoon, Judy Mackinaw, of Saginaw, Wisconsin. What do you do for a living?
Judy: I'm a preacher, actually, Don.
Don Pardo: Oh, really? How interesting. So that means...
Judy: Yes, that's right, Don: I spend most of my time trying to forgive the misguided folk at B.E.T., Google, and those two coal companies that were mentioned in the earlier question, Arch and Massey.
Don Pardo: And do you succeed -- in forgiving them, I mean?
Judy: Frankly, not always, but then I'm only human. But I hear God's a real whiz at forgiveness, so the individuals in question needn't despair entirely.
Don Pardo: Indeed. I, too, have heard some great things about this God person that you mention. And finally, we come to Carl Bumstadt from Kingdom of Prussia, Pennsylvania. Carl, what do you do for a living?
Carl: Actually, Don, I am a CEO at Arch Coal.
Don Pardo: Oho! We'll have to keep you and Judy apart then.
Carl: Oh, I'm not worried about Judy.
Don Pardo: Oh, really?
Carl: No, we've got the entire state legislature in our pocket. Let her holler at me at the top of her lungs for all I care.
Judy: Why, you no-good --
Don Pardo: Moving right along -- Judy, you had the last correct question: Please select.
Judy: I'll try "Customer Dis-Service" for 50, Don.
Your Call Is (Not That) Important to Us: Customer Service and What It Reveals About Our World and Our Lives (Hardcover)
At least author Emily Yellin feels our pain when it comes to the second-class telephone treatment that we tend to receive from certain telecommunications giants. She even thinks there's some light at the end of the tunnel. (For starters, of course, there needs to be a law passed in Congress making it illegal for companies to keep playing Pachelbel's Canon over and over again to their customers on hold!)
Although their corporate logo is "We're There for You," the customer service unit of this telecommunications company is available only from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., Monday through Friday.
Judy: What is Verizon?
Don Pardo: Yes, and isn't that maddening, by the way? But please, continue.
Judy: "Corporate Biased News Reporting for 100," Don.
The single-biggest cause of carbon dioxide emissions, but you wouldn't know it thanks to the obfuscating clout of the U.S. Dairy Industry.
Judy: What are dairy cows?
Don Pardo: Dairy cows is right -- a whole lot of methane. Judy, you're tied with Reggie now at 150. Please continue.
Bong
Don Pardo: Oh, I'm sorry, time is up. We have Reggie and Judy at 150, Carl not far behind at 100. We'll be back in a moment to give out more hard cold money for a few hard cold facts.
Insert even more commercials than last time
Don Pardo: Reggie, you're tied with Judy, so you'll go first in Double Jeopardy! because you were the winner in our last game.
Reggie: I'll take "Disappointing Realities" for 50.
Don Pardo: The answer is:
You'd think that stronger winds would mean more power generation, but these are currently designed to shut down (ironically enough) when wind speeds reach 55 miles per hour.
Carl: What are wind turbines.
Don Pardo: Right. Isn't that ridiculous? Reggie, you're at 200 dollars. Please continue, sir.
Carl: "Quelle Outrage" for 100.
FEMA spends billions of dollars per hurricane replacing waterlogged wooden infrastructure, a cost that could largely be avoided if they merely required coastal property owners to use this as a condition of receiving future government insurance.
Reggie: What is Marine Grade Plywood?
Don Pardo: Yes, we would have also accepted pressure-treated wood. Yes, isn't it interesting that FEMA hasn't learned its lessons after repeatedly spending all these billions of dollars replacing waterlogged wood. FEMA is like a financial punching bag that keeps saying: "Thank you, sir, may I have another?"
Reggie: "Worse than Useless" for 200, Don.
If a webmaster finds that their site is mis-listed or incorrectly described by the anonymous self-appointed volunteer ratings society known as DMOZ, they can do THIS about it.
Carl: What is call an 800 number?
Don Pardo: No, sorry (What planet do YOU live on, Carl?)
Judy or Reggie?
Beep beep
The correct answer is: What is nothing: Absolutely nothing. They take it upon themselves to review your site for Google, but provide no way for you as a webmaster to tell them if they got it wrong -- other than to submit your site all over again and wait six months in the hope that they might possibly deign to look at your objections if they find a moment of free time in their ostensibly do-gooder lives. Almost makes you wish these busybodies would stay out of the reviewing business altogether if they don't want to take responsibility for their work.
Bong!
Oh, time's up. Reggie has 300, Judy with 200 and Carl in third place with 100 dollars.
Final Jeopardy! is next, so consider your wager based on your knowledge of today's Final Jeopardy! category, which is:
Crummy Online Affiliate Programs -- consider what you know about crummy online affiliate programs. Meanwhile, we'll be right back.
Insert commercials straight up the wazoo
Here we go now with Final Jeopardy! The Final Jeopardy! category is Crummy Online Affiliate Programs.
The answer is:
Considering the massive amount of music they sell, you'd think they'd have their own state-of-the-art affiliate program on par with the one at Amazon.com, but instead, this California-based company contracts their program out to a service that doesn't even provide album covers for shop-owner song links.
Good luck!
Doo dee doo dee dum
We move first to Reggie with 300. Your question reads: What is Apple? Yes, we would have accepted Apple or iTunes. How much did you wager? 500 dollars. You're now at 1,500.
Next we move to Judy with 200 dollars. Did she guess Apple, too? What is Apples iTunes? Is right. How much did you wager? 400! That brings you to 1,200.
Finally, we move to Carl in third place with 100. His question: "What is..." Oh, I'm sorry. How much did you wager? 50. That leaves you with 50 dollars.
And our winner today is Reggie! Congratulations. He'll be back tomorrow as we cut the crap again on Jeoparody!
Good night, everybody!
c.2010 Brian Quass, Alexandria, VA USA