Satirical fiction by Brian Quass
Gut in Himmel! diss Brian ist an einen kleinen nutcase! But funny, fraulein, I am telling you!
Gut in Himmel! diss Brian ist an einen kleinen nutcase! But funny, fraulein, I am telling you!
Fourth of July in Fireworks-Free New JerseyListen to text
Wenzdenhoop, Julie 2, 2003 
Webmaster to party hearty in the Garden State
or at least as hearty as the state legislature will allow
Blueberries -- check.
Cool Gift Idea from Brian Quass of Quass.com
Attention Garden Staters: protest Big Brother in verse: 'Sparkler! Sparkler! burning bright, in New Jersey late at night, who's the bureaucratic lout that would try to put you out?'
Buy Now What's that? Oh, no, I wouldn't think of taking those fireworks into New Jersey, any more than I would think of pumping my own gas up there. No, no, my friend: I make it a point to conform with all applicable state and local laws as I traverse this great land of ours (the US of A, if you please). Mind you, I sometimes think the Garden State is overly maternal, with its constant legislative quest for a risk-free environment. But when in Rome, do like the Romans do -- even if the Romans are major bores, alas. (Sometimes I think the state flag of New Jersey should feature an obese housewife with her arms crossed as she menacingly holds a rolling pin above her tightly fitting apron. But then I'm allowed these uncharitable thoughts from time to time, since I myself was born in this state. There: the secret's out!)  Firework fans will get a bang out of the following incendiary opus of Brian Quass On the Right to Bear Sparklers Operation: Jersey Sparler Fourth of July Fireworks in New Jersey Remedial Patriotism 101 Crossword puzzle book -- check.
Socks -- check.
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Gut in Himmel! diss Brian ist an einen kleinen nutcase! But funny, fraulein, I am telling you! Those who saw a lassy go this way and that way while reading Fourth of July in Fireworks-Free New Jersey saw that same lassy go that way and this while reading The Power of HalfwitsTop of page re fireworks in new jersey,ban on fireworks,new jersey fireworks Fourth of July in Fireworks-Free New Jersey: top of page Link this article to your site: Top of Page for http People who enjoyed this page were also favorably disposed toward the following articles:  Gloria in Excessive Claptrap  Stand-Up for America Radicals Protest Papal Quote About Islamic Violence...  Sardo Lady to Sick Bay  1106 Attention Search Engines: Having trouble categorizing this page? Why not list it in connection with the following phrases and keywords? .... fireworks in new jersey ban on fireworks banned fireworks jersey new jersey fireworks ban new jersey fireworks comedy about new jersey new jersey humor funny fireworks new jersey Thanks! |
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 Sparkler, Sparkler, Burning Bright
by Chumley Egghead
Inspired by Tyger, Tyger, Burning Bright by William Blake
In New Jersey late at night, Who's the bureaucratic lout, That would try to put you out? What state senator benighted, Doesn't want you being lighted? What old bureaucrat in Trenton Wants to make our parties Lenten By denying us your sheen, (for the holidays, I mean) And if the cops enforce the law, Who will wrench thee from my paw? Who will steal the awestruck smile, From the peepers of my child, Ere with soft staccato sizzle You yourself decide to fizzle? Sparkler! Sparkler! burning bright, In New Jersey late at night, Who's the bureaucratic lout, That would try to put you out? Buy fun article-related gifts from Quass.com  Mug: Drink a toast to self-serve at New Jersey gas stations. Tell Big Mama to step aside at long last and let you do something for yourself, for a change. (I mean humph! or rather YOU mean humph!)  Long-Sleeve T-Shirt: Attention, New Jerseyans: Take back the pump from those busybody legislators in Trenton. Make a clean breast of your feelings with this long-sleeve t-shirt from Quass.com  Light T-Shirt: Tell busybody state government to get out of the business of pumping gas. You'd rather do it yourself, wouldn't ya? Well, okay, then, here's the t-shirt that you need to be wearing!  Green T-Shirt: Attention New Jerseyans: Are you green with envy because citizens of other states can pump their gas themselves? Show your true colors with this anti-full-service t-shirt from Quasss.com.  Ringer T: Finally, the Ringer T that answers the question, what are you going to wear to the great march on Trenton, when the people finding wake up and realize it's their right to pump their own gas!? ...and/or Shop Here for Coooooool Gifts selected by himself! |
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