I want a bill that has some real teeth in it!
Drill Here, Drill Now!
Candidate's dental plan has teeth
Why we must drill in the back-left quadrant of Brian's mouth
Thank you! Oh, thank you so much!
You know, my opponent says that we shouldn't drill, period.
But drilling is absolutely essential in certain cases.
Take my mouth, for instance. I have a cracked tooth that is causing me exquisite pain.
But to hear my opponent tell it, I should just "let it go," and wait, I suppose, for my tooth to fall out before I so much as schedule an appointment with Dr. S.
Speaking of which, that esteemed Dental professional is on record as saying that I need an entire ROOT canal, not merely drilling!
Oh, but no, we must not drill that limited resource which is our teeth. Humph!
Well, if that wrongheaded policy wins the day, folks, I will have my opponent to thank every time that a popcorn kernel inadvertently lodges in the jagged remains of my penultimate lower molar, causing me exquisite pain.
So, let's end today by telling America where you and I stand on the issue of drilling. You know the words. It goes...
Drill here, Drill now!
Drill here, Drill now!
Drill here, Drill now!
Drill here, Drill now!
Applause (finally!) quiets down, I mean, whoo!
You know, my opponent says that we shouldn't drill, period.
Boos
But drilling is absolutely essential in certain cases.
Applause
Take my mouth, for instance. I have a cracked tooth that is causing me exquisite pain.
A light volley of applause breaks forth, only to die out immediately as the now-mortified audience members reflect on the inappropriate nature of their response
But to hear my opponent tell it, I should just "let it go," and wait, I suppose, for my tooth to fall out before I so much as schedule an appointment with Dr. S.
Boos
Speaking of which, that esteemed Dental professional is on record as saying that I need an entire ROOT canal, not merely drilling!
Oh, but no, we must not drill that limited resource which is our teeth. Humph!
Boos
Well, if that wrongheaded policy wins the day, folks, I will have my opponent to thank every time that a popcorn kernel inadvertently lodges in the jagged remains of my penultimate lower molar, causing me exquisite pain.
Especially loud boos, as if the audience were now trying to make up for their inappropriate clapping of a minute ago after the candidate's previous allusion to his pain
So, let's end today by telling America where you and I stand on the issue of drilling. You know the words. It goes...
Drill here, Drill now!
deliberate and slow chant, growing louder and faster as crowd joins in
Drill here, Drill now!
Drill here, Drill now!
Drill here, Drill now!
c.2010 Brian Quass, Alexandria, VA USA