The surprisingly delightful musings of a humble Virginian whose satiric paeons to a plausible utopia implicitly shame the cynical zeitgeist of our times, causing it to cry, as 'twere, 'Damn, what was I thinking?' or words to that effect.

April 2021

More things that Dr. Fauci will and will not be doing now that he's been vaccinated

He WILL be petting his dog Fifi.

He will NOT be kissing her on the nose.

He WILL still be placing a bottle of antibacterial gel in "Free Parking," as a stark reminder to his Monopoly playmates of the ongoing threat of the virus, even though this practice routinely engenders snarky speculation that the bottle in question will convey to the first person to land on the Free Parking square, "which," as Tony keeps petulantly pointing out, "it won't. Duh."

He WILL NOT be engaging in his often ridiculed practice of washing all Monopoly tokens prior to game play, which at least one of his nearest relatives has dismissed as "anal." ("Just use the antibacterial gel on your hands, Tony," she says, "like everybody else.")

He WILL be taking his wife to Pop-Pop's again, a local eatery favored by the missis, even though the good doctor still has his own long-standing reservations about the establishment's true commitment to cleanliness.

He WILL not be shaking hands with what the good doctor is pleased to call "the doubtful habitues of that joint, you know, Ted Jennings and the rest of those beach bums," (though of course this harsh analysis is always uttered sotto voce, just loud enough to result in the instant knitting of his wife's eyebrows).

He WILL be square dancing.

He will NOT be entering a mosh pit, no matter how many shouts he hears of, "Go, Tony! Go, Tony!"

He WILL be praying to his usual deity.

He will NOT be invoking the aid of any heathen deities.

He WILL be giving Mrs. Fauci a playful "chuck" under the chin.

He will NOT be...

Well, you get the idea.

Copyright 2017, Brian Quass (follow on Twitter)