The surprisingly delightful musings of a humble Virginian whose satiric paeons to a plausible utopia implicitly shame the cynical zeitgiest of our times, causing it to cry, as 'twere, 'Damn, what was I thinking?' or words to that effect.



Quass.com

June 2018

Crafty South Africa with Winnie Mandela

on today's show: necklacing




HOST: Good morning, and welcome to Crafty South Africa, where we highlight our country's prowess in the field of arts and crafts.

Today, we have a very special guest, the Mother of the Country, in fact, uMama Winnie Mandela herself. Good morning, Your Honor.

WINNIE: It's a pleasure, though I'm not entirely sure why I was invited, since the struggle for liberation has left me precious little time for needlepoint.

HOST: Oh, now, you're just being modest.

WINNIE: I don't know about you, but my life has been one of constant struggle.

HOST: Well, not according to my cue cards.

WINNIE: No?

HOST: No. In fact, it says here that you are an old hand at crafting necklaces.

WINNIE: Right, I'm out of here.

HOST: Madame Mandela, please! What did I say?

WINNIE: This is obviously a setup by my enemies.

HOST: I don't understand.

WINNIE: You'll understand when I have you and this entire station arrested for violating the government's Secrecy Bill.

HOST: What? No! Oh, dear me. Can someone please call the producer? It says right here on my cue cards, that Winnie is highly conversant in the art of necklacing.

PRODUCER WHISPERING

Oh, is THAT what necklacing is? Oh, dear.

In that case, I hereby make a public apology to the ANC for inadvertently calling Comrade Winnie on the carpet. Believe me, I was not trying to make any point -- except perhaps needlepoint, should the subject have come up in a crafts-related context. Me, badmouth my own Grandmother, the Mother of the Country? I know a sacred cow when I see one and --

No, I am not calling Winnie Mandela a cow! Oh, dear me, I'm just sticking my foot in deeper, aren't I?

Well, that's all the time we have -- thank goodness! Coming up next, South African Sports goes overseas to explore the exciting world of waterboarding with Dick Cheney! Don't go away!



Copyright 2017, Brian Quass quass@quass.com (follow on Twitter)