The surprisingly delightful musings of a humble Virginian whose satiric paeons to a plausible utopia implicitly shame the cynical zeitgeist of our times, causing it to cry, as 'twere, 'Damn, what was I thinking?' or words to that effect.

January 2018
Why I'm giving up digital text in favor of old-fashioned books

Another reason not to read classical literature online

As part of my day job, the precise nature of which is beyond the scope of this article, I occasionally find leisure to peruse classical literature online in an effort to verify the accuracy of published citations.

Take last Friday night, for instance, when I was under the necessity of verifying the following quote from the Iliad as translated by Alexander Pope.

'Tis true, 'tis certain; man, though dead, retains Part of himself; the immortal mind remains: The form subsists without the body's aid, Aerial semblance and an empty shade!

Nice quote, huh? Made me suddenly grateful for the existence of the Internet...

until I discovered that the same page that featured these elevating words also contained a prominently placed pictorial advertisement for a book entitled "Don't Let Your Bike Seat Ruin Your Sex Life" by one Stas Bekman.

I mean, focus people. What happened to the proverb that there's a time and place for everything?

A book about the seat-sex connection on a page featuring Homer's Iliad? Now I've heard everything, multiple times over.

It would be like me closing my latest literary sally with an ad for the facetious "Thinking of You" greeting card that I created over a decade ago when the Internet was still wearing britches. Remember? I had this gnarly-looking german shepherd on the front?

Fortunately, I know better than to befuddle my admittedly intelligent readers with such outlandish bait-and-switch tactics -- unlike certain Stas Bekmans that I know.

Humph! Bicycle seat indeed. I'll have Bekman know that I don't even OWN a bicycle! Now, if he can advance any causal connections between the passenger seat of a 1999 Toyota Corolla and the infirmities in question, I'm all ears -- provided that the Bekster starts advertising on relevant websites, and not getting all up inside my Iliads, talking about "buy this"! Humph!

Meanwhile, I'm going bookworm, full bore, in the old-school acceptation of that term. That's right, dawg: four eyes and loving it, starting now!

Copyright 2017, Brian Quass (follow on Twitter)