The Blog of Brian Ballard Quass

FOR EVERY DULLARD, 'D', THERE EXISTS A TRAUMATIC EVENT, 'T', CAPABLE OF RENDERING 'D' A GENIUS

Dullards of the World Unite

You have nothing to lose but your stupidity




As I watch Professor Robert Greenberg hold forth on the genius of Johann Sebastian Bach (in his Great Courses lecture entitled "The 23 Greatest Solo Piano Works"), I can't help but feel a trifle jealous. Why, I ask myself, did the Kapellmeister of Leipzig inherit such a heaping helping of musical savvy while I myself was starved of inspiration to the point where I can scarcely compose a simple song? I mean, what's up with that? Don't get me wrong, I willingly grant Johann all the relevant kudos, but my inner child continues to smart from the lopsided beneficence of the goddess Fortuna.

But no longer. I have discovered new hope for dullards like myself (thanks in part to yet another Great Courses course entitled "Your Best Brain" with Professor John Medina).

It turns out, if you're beaned on your cranium in just the right way, you can become a musical genius overnight. (I kid you not!)

Take Derek Amato from Colorado, for instance. After suffering a concussion in 2006, he woke up playing the piano like nobody's business, despite the fact that the Denver native had never taken one single piano lesson in his entire life. Then roundabout 2009, another Colorado youth named Lachlan Connors awoke from his own concussion, only to find that he too was musically gifted, even though, like Derek, he had never evinced any particular promise in that line.

And then the penny dropped! All hope was not lost for me. Yes, even a lamebrain such as myself could become a genius -- at least in theory. Someone just had to give me the right kind of blow on the noggin.

Of course, as a practical matter, this knowledge is basically useless, since the odds of such a blow producing the desired results are so small that it would be folly to tempt a belligerent to attack you head-side for this purpose. Still, the fact that such a blow COULD produce genius suggests a theorem which should be of great solace to lamebrains like myself.

Brian's theory of universal genius (working title)...

FOR EVERY DULLARD, 'D', THERE EXISTS A TRAUMATIC EVENT, 'T', CAPABLE OF RENDERING 'D' A GENIUS

And now the corollary home truth that warms the cockles of my jealous heart:

THERE'S A THIN LINE BETWEEN A MUSICAL GENIUS AND A PRETENTIOUS HACK

See? So there, Bach! I think we all feel a little better now -- except, perhaps, for the talent hogs among us. Humph!




People who enjoyed this article also manifested a marked affinity for all things Quass and were three times as likely as ordinary site visitors to purchase the webmaster's admittedly interesting crossword puzzle greeting cards (i.e. Quassword Cards) online at CafePress.com, especially as it was probably Christmas time right then and these people were (to hear them tell it, anyway) "sick unto death" of buying the same old same old for their loved ones year after tiresome year, Lord help them. (Their words, not ours.)





bach, instant genius, savant













People who enjoyed this post went on to experience life-changing epiphanies upon listening to Brian's one-man-band electronic keyboard music written and performed under the nom-de-piano of Quasar Nibs -- which, check it out below!



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